Divorce is one of the most difficult decisions anyone can make. It can be a confusing, emotional time for those going through it. Even if you know you want out of your marriage, this is still a major life change that can deeply affect you, your spouse, your finances, and your children. Just as people often get “cold feet” before getting married, it's perfectly normal to have second and third thoughts about following through with your divorce. Many people get cold feet even after the paperwork has been filed!
So what do you do when you have these doubts? Is it just “cold feet,” or is it a sign that you need to step back and reconsider? If you're currently second-guessing your divorce, here are some important questions to ask yourself.
Have the Primary Reasons for the Divorce Changed?
Think about the problems that prompted you to file for divorce in the first place. Have those problems been resolved? If not, is there any hope that they could be? If the reasons you wanted to divorce in the first place are no longer present, or if there's a real possibility of resolving them, it might be worth reconsidering your decision. However, if the same problems are still present and you see no significant change on the horizon, staying married won't make those problems go away—in fact, they will probably get worse. If there has been no significant progress on the issues that have alienated you from your spouse, chances are it's just cold feet.
Has Your Ex Shown a Fresh Interest in Working Things Out?
If your spouse has been uncooperative or uninvolved in the divorce process up until this point, but now wants to try counseling or mediation, it could be a ploy—or it might be a legitimate attempt at reconciliation. If your ex is showing real signs of commitment to working things out (for example, seeking treatment or therapy on their own), and if you're open to the idea of trying to work things out, it might be worth at least having some conversations about it before your divorce is finalized. However, if you distrust your ex's motives or ability to follow through, or if there has been no perceivable change in their attitude, you're probably just experiencing cold feet.
As difficult a decision as divorce may be, it's also a highly personal one. Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide whether to go through with the divorce. However, bear in mind that almost everyone second-guesses this decision at some point, so having “cold feet” is not a reliable indicator in and of itself as to whether you're making the right choice. If you can at least answer the above questions honestly, you'll be that much closer to knowing what's best for you.
When you're ready to move forward toward divorce, the team at Jerkins Family Law is here to help make it a smooth transition for you into a new life. Call us today at (919) 719-2785 or contact us online.